Why I get dressed in the mirror...
And it's not a vanity thing... or may be it is. And maybe that's ok.
I have put a reel on Instagram that's having a moment...
It's of me. Getting dressed. In the mirror.
For lots of people, this is likely a provocative and sexual act; one I am using to influence the algorithm and garner interest.
But the truth of it is - I do it a lot.
The mirror obsession started when I was 18. By the time I was 21, it had developed into a full on eating disorder. The mirror was where I checked the impact of any calories I'd consumed against the work I had done at the gym. Every night before bed, I would stand and stare; turn and measure. And then every morning, I would do it again. Strangely, despite the time I spent in the process of self-surveillance, I actually had no idea what I looked like. Because I didn't look at my body as a whole. Instead, I scrutinised the separate parts.
Fast forward 18 years, and I am still in the mirror. But the woman that greets herself in the glass is a very different person to the girl that lost herself in it all those years ago.
Eighteen years ago, there's no way I'd have danced with my reflection. I wouldn't have caressed my skin as I got dressed, took my time to meet my own gaze. And whilst these things might sound like vanity, they are part of a process that can have alchemical effects on the relationship you have with yourself.
The process has been coined 'mirror work' in the self-development world.
Witches call it 'glamour-magick' (and I've no problem with being called a witch!).
The alchemy of it works through establishing a positive neural pathway, connecting your conscious mind to your body and overruling the subconscious shadow scripts that might run whenever you look in the mirror.
When completed consciously, repeatedly, it creates a pattern whereby you meet your whole self in the mirror, without any delusions, positive or negative. You simply see. You accept. You learn to love. It takes time. It takes patience. It might throw up a lot of emotion!
But at 39, I can meet my whole body in the mirror and smile. I have dropped the shame, lost the desire to scrutinise. I think about what I've achieved. I enjoy the way my body moves to music. I feel the way clothes stroke my skin. I anticipate the intimacy I will enjoy later. I am present. Completely. There's just me in the mirror and in the moment. Embodied, alive and aware.
And that is a delicious way to start the day...
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